ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
