At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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