Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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