counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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