But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
