He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
