My room smells like vodka and shame
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just cut my nipple shaving
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
