The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
