Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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