I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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