I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
