Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize