OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
