The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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