I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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