shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
