So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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