Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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