All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it because I queefed?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.