I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.