Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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