onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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