My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.