Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
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i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
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I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in