When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.