what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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