i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
