...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
