Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
