did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
