she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
