In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
