He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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