dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
