guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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