i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
