Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
