I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
