he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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