I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
