I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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