weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
