Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
