Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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