How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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