Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
