hotel room ftw
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
