I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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