I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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