:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
