a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
