It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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