Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
