My room smells like vodka and shame
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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