Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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