I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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