fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
