Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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