yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
