Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
