How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
