a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
kristin has been a bad kristin
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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