Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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