My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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