today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
