Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
