My hand turned me down
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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