well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
