Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
