Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
