THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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