So gin and wine won't be happening again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
