I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
