he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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