after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
