My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
