You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
