I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize