i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
