she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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