Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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