OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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