I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
