whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
