i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
